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Thursday, December 30, 2004

Expected Legislation from the President

The New Yorker got a scoop on what to expect from Bush's second term:

The Tax Simplification Act: Beginning in 2005, all taxpayers in the top one-per-cent income bracket will pay a flat one-per-cent tax, taxpayers in the top two-per-cent bracket will pay a flat two-per-cent tax, and so on.

The Endangered Species Preservation Act: All endangered species will immediately be preserved by a national corps of expert taxidermists.

The Empowerment of the Elderly Act: All citizens age sixty-five and over will empower themselves by paying their Social Security benefits directly from their own savings accounts, instead of having to rely on the uncertainty of occasionally tardy mailings from the federal government.

The Affordable Health Care for Everyone Act: All persons, regardless of age, sex, race, or income, will, for a nominal fee, be issued a Band-Aid, two aspirins, a Tums, a wallet-size card illustrating the Heimlich Maneuver, a recipe for chicken soup, and a leech.

I think this is meant as parody, but it might end up being closer to accurate than we want to believe.