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Thursday, November 11, 2004

Thank You, Yasser Arafat

Thank you for finally kicking the bucket, that is. I don't know how much more of the repetitive news reports on your medical condition I could take. You were on your way to becoming this generation's SNL joke about Franco being "still dead." (Yeah, I know Franco lingered way longer, but everything seems longer in this era of 24/7 cable news, or so I've been told by old people.)

Blogging of death, why does this story seem bizarrely amusing to me? It's just that the old guy survived World War II only to die when a van runs him over at a Veteran's Day parade--not as glorious a way to go.

Back on Arafat for a second, the news broke late last night that he was done, and I watched a few minutes of Aaron Brown on CNN fumbling for names of countries in the Middle East that this might impact before flipping away. Then over lunch today I picked up a copy of "Express", the crappy little Washington Metro paper, and I see a headline that was something like "Arafat in Dire Condition." Well, death certainly is a dire condition, right? The perils of going to press too early, I guess.

Again on dead people, do you realize our newly-departed AG John Ashcroft lost a senate race to a dead man back in 2000? Since the people of Missouri had judged a corpse more worthy of a senate seat, the pyschopathic Ashcroft, of course, gets to be the top law enforcement official in the country as his consolation prize. At least he's gone if not the rest of the administration, and now we'll have in his place a happy, smiling dude whose policies will probably be just as bad but who won't get treated so harshly because he's happy and smiling.

And did I mention he's a Hispanic, son of Mexican migrant workers? Clearly anyone who opposes this man's nomination is a racist who does not see the need for America's Latino youth to have positive role models. After all, I've long felt that international humanitarian law is extremely quaint, and I'm glad Gonzales came out and called the Geneva Conventions on their quaintness. Surely he'll be another outstanding Bush cabinet official, fitting right in with the other saints.

One more unrelated note before I return to not updating this blog. Last night was Singles Night at the Washington Wizards game. While I sadly could not attend, it sounds like a great time--see the picture especially. Maybe I'll go witness one of these things for the Celtics game in April.

George Michael (as usual I mean the decaying sportscaster, not the gay pop star) was in the house last night doing his report on the news for the "Sports Machine" and for some reason he included a brief video of him hugging NBA referee Dick Bavetta, who Michael actually called one of his "heroes." This is the same Dick Bavetta players and fans have accused of throwing games to the Knicks (or whoever the league wants to win in the playoffs for economic reasons). Um, George? Really, it's things like that, along with the repetition of weird stats from five seconds previous, that makes watching semi-senile sportscasters like Pat Summerall, Dick Enberg and Michael so enjoyable.